Dusty Revelations

A glimpse into my journal, written en route from Burning Man...

'The bounce and sway of RV riding, jostling my pen and rattling my thoughts. Like the shifting of the cupboard contents, so many words hang on my tongue, waiting for the inevitable opening of doors to spill forth and crash upon the floor....each one covered in playa dust, colored by it, defined clearly by it. The dust has given shape to things I couldn't see before...revealing truths that have lived for so long, ignored and overlooked, like deep fissures in my heart.
As always, Burning Man has been cathartic...a dusty baptism, changing me yet again, settling my foundation and steadying my footing so that I may better walk my truth. The dust reminds me who I am, clarifying every strength and weakness...showing me how much beauty and love still lives in me...how much creativity has survived, despite years of neglect and how much vibrance still glows at my core, waiting patiently for any opportunity to shine.
I see now, from a place of strength rather than desperation, just how far I have strayed, making misguided attempts to change myself into someone and something that would better fit into a life that doesn't suit me. I stowed away those bits that made me different and tucked away each strand of artistry that might suggest or reveal my deeply spiritual underpinnings. The reason for it is not yet clear, but I suspect that some part of me was ashamed and therefore eager to bury it all under the guise of a 'normal' life. I believe now that my depression is the simple result of living dishonestly...of not allowing myself to be who I truly am....of believing that I could change into something more socially acceptable and rearranging my priorities to be more aligned with his.
I know now what has to be done...I simply have to cultivate the strength to do so.'