I feel as though I haven't written in months. Perhaps that's because I haven't! My focus truly has been elsewhere.
Last night I made the drive South, from Vancouver to Seattle...for the last time. In two short weeks, Patrick and I will make the final drive North...my belongings tucked into the Pathfinder, ready for one last border crossing.
To say that I am excited would be a gross understatement. But I've also got this lingering anxiety...ever so subtle yet there nonetheless. I suppose it's only natural...I am, after all, leaving the country permanently. It's an entirely new feeling...one that I haven't the experience to properly describe. I think, to some degree, I'm stepping gingerly...carefully calculating every move so as not to disrupt the delicate passing of things. It's difficult to simply trust that all will unfold as I want it to...as I NEED it to.
Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that, for the first time in my adult life I can honestly say that all is as it should be. I have no complaints. My needs are in no way compromised. I have all that I need to build myself a happy, productive, FULFILLED life. And yet this devilish little worry insists on pestering me, trying to convince me that something drastic and catastrophic will foil my plans. It's a horrid feeling...really.
I'm doing my best to quell that bit and focus instead on all the minor things that need to happen between now and the 16th. I'd like to believe that I DO control my own fate. I just have hoops to jump through before the wheel is handed back to me. As long as I remember that...I can relax and let the days pass in a quiet, unremarkable manner. A little bit of patience goes a long way.
Plus, I just returned from ten days with Patrick so I'm all 'stocked up' on lovin'! Should be enough to get me through these last few days in the states. We celebrated the holidays with his family and all of our friends in Vancouver and Victoria. It was a lovely little glimpse into what it will be like to finally live there. And I have to admit, regardless of my fast-approaching move, it made it rather difficult to come back to Seattle. Patrick is consistently good to me and I am one very spoiled girl! It used to be that I could tolerate several months without seeing him. Now...two weeks feels like two months! I'll be there soon enough...
I hope all is well and smiles are plenty. If you feel so inspired, take a moment to sign my guestbook and let me know how your lives are unfolding. I'd love to hear from you!