The days have flown...like leaves in autumn...accumulating in piles that amount to months...a year, even. The bird in me hasn't offered much in this direction as the tree in which I travel, branch to beautiful branch, has bared itself and renewed itself and weathered many a storm. Miles have unfolded beneath me...within me...before me. Hearts have grown warm, then cold...coloring my own with brilliant vibrance before casting it into shadowy greys. I've sung from the tips of the highest branches, stretching upward to kiss the clouds...and I've fallen heavy and silent near the roots, momentarily unable to feel the warmth of the sun. I've been searching...curiously seeking some place that might call to me in the familiar language of 'home'...
Now...after nine months of whimsical wandering, I've settled into a sweet new nest in San Francisco. I've got a good feeling...
I write this on the heels of yet another, incredible, gypsy migration. I realize as I type those words just how truly blessed I am to be able to live as freely as I do. But I also know that this is the only way I know how to live...following my heart implicitly, regardless of risk...in spite of fear. To be sure, the barbs of such a lifestyle can be piercing at times, but I'd not trade them for anything. Every stumble reminds me that I am alive and MOVING. I've tried living in the linear world of the mind and I became utterly lost in its stagnant predictability ...in its oppressive projection into the future. My heart knows the wisdom of NOW. I am learning to trust that...
In this moment, I feel light...strong...grounded...calm...ready for anything.
I've spent the last week in Costa Rica, lounging in hot-springs with charming locals...hiking up and into the dormant Cerro Chato volcano through luscious rainforest during a torrential downpour & cleansing myself in the refreshingly chilly, green waters of the beautiful lagoon that awaited us there.
I then found myself surrounded by so many delicious souls, soaking up the unbelievable sweetness of the Envision Festival and those who poured so much of themselves into making it happen. My heart swelled as I drifted between moments, camera in hand, feeling so wonderfully touched by every dance of light upon all those gorgeous, sun-kissed faces...by every graceful turn of each dancer's hand...by the genuine, beaming smiles that stretched themselves endlessly across the glowing faces of every performer...djs and drummers and acrobats and aerialists and clowns and everyone in-between. I silently observed the observers, honoring them as they recorded their surroundings, entertained as much by them as by those in the spotlights. And, at the invitation of my dear friend, Ill-Esha, I even held a microphone to my lips for briefly exhilarating moments, lending my voice to the musical tapestry, trading the periphery for the center before stealing back towards the edge.
Beats and melodies, birds and cicadas...I let the luminous sounds move me as I meandered from stage to stage, from the warmth of the tea-house to the whir of the smoothie blenders, sipping fresh, replenishing coconuts to offset the midday heat. I waded through swamp and jungle to reach the most idyllic beach, giggling like child at the mud's ticklish toe-squish...awestruck by the sky's soft, sandy reflection...drinking in the kiss of a setting sun so golden deep. I walked through darkness, disrupting silk-worm's weaving and delighting in fields full of fireflies, laughing easily with other 'envisionaries' as we revelled in the surreal beauty of it all.
So many friendships were born...so many effortless, heartfelt connections with such amazing beings. I felt strong there...stronger in myself than I've ever felt...firmly rooted within...passionately ignited...beyond inspired.
There, in the dusty, humid heat, I began to experience things from a new place. I...'envisioned'...a more authentic self...with a newly steady perception that allows me to see myself with a deeper level of compassion...perhaps even the first glimmers of a self-love I'd once believed impossible. I see now how imperative it is for me to fully embrace each of my gifts...to allow my creative muse to grow in every direction she chooses, even though such extensions have felt crippling in the past. Like a bird with far too many wings, I've languished too long in these branches.
And so...with a quietly cautious step forward, I'm unfolding each of those wings...testing their strength...extending each feather to catch the light...breathing brave and deep as I learn to fly gracefully, each wing supporting the others like dancer's palm lifting partner's limbs.
It's time to meet the wind.